Story Of
by coffee-not-decaf
Summary: Leon was very worried. The world ending was not on his list of things that needed to be accomplished today.


Leon knew something was wrong the moment he walked in the door.

On any given day, there was a rumpled jacket, a clutter of notebook papers, and an unidentifiable piece of food in the first three feet in front of the door, courtesy of Merlin and his horrible cleaning habits. And that wasn't even bringing the rest of the house into the equation, which he wreaked havoc on daily in new and terrifying ways.

He could also usually find some flour or sugar on the floor if Gwen had been baking, as she often did, along with a clutter of make-up products and hair ties. She was far more excusable in her manners, though, because she was more prone to kiss him to make up for his inevitable demise due to slipping over a banana peel.

Not that he wanted Merlin to kiss him to make up for it, because that would be weird.

He wasn't going to tell Merlin that particular thought ever entered his head, because that would only lead to mockery of the grandest proportions.

Today, though, today was worrying him, because the doorstep was absolutely spotless, no trash to be seen. And Leon hadn't cleaned anything since about one in the morning.

He cleaned when sleep evaded him.

Another thing that caused Merlin's never-ceasing mockery of nearly everything about Leon, his life choices, and general personality. It was only okay because they were best mates and Merlin wouldn't be Merlin without a string of barbed-wire insults.

But a further mess had been made since the last cleaning, Leon was sure of it. And Merlin and Gwen were certainly not responsible. Gwen might have grabbed a dust rag if it was Leon's birthday, or perhaps her father was coming to visit, but for Merlin to touch a vacuum, the rains of the apocalypse would have to be upon them.

Needless to say Leon was very worried. The world ending was not on his list of things that needed to be accomplished today.

(For curiosity's sake, the list included shopping for groceries, cooking dinner for whoever happened to be home, making sure Merlin hadn't worked himself to death over his thesis, and kissing Gwen soundly on the lips. All of these things were written down neatly, in pen, on the sticky note currently on the inside of his jeans.)

Stepping into the house, his fear only deepened. The living room was positively shining; it even looked like the couch cushions had been fluffed. The entire room was dust-free. Leon would have eaten off it if he hadn't known that the coffee table was previously home to dried scrambled egg that he spent two hours scrubbing off with a chisel he had borrowed from Percival.

Perhaps Merlin had spontaneously combusted and his mess had simply evaporated along with him.

That wouldn't account for the lack of empty lipstick containers. Well, maybe it would. Merlin was into some kinky shit, Leon was well-aware. He'd only known him since the beginning of time, and walls were only so thick.

"…Hello?" He called hesitantly, carefully setting his bag on the couch before heading cautiously toward the adjoining kitchen. If it was clean there, too, he might actually die of heart failure. "Anybody home?"

Gwen appeared so suddenly from inside the kitchen that Leon had to jump backward to avoid colliding with her. Her expression was very intense; she had the furrow in her brow that she got when she was overthinking. It made Leon want to kiss her.

But really, ninety-eight percent of Gwen's expressions made Leon want to kiss her, so he couldn't depend solely on that particular instinct.

"It's clean," Gwen stated seriously, chocolate eyes intent. "It wasn't clean when I left for work this morning. And I can't figure out what happened between then and now. Please tell me you came home sometime today and combed this place with a dustbuster."

"You mean…it wasn't you?" Leon gaped at her. She was his last remaining hope of a semi-natural explanation.

Gwen's shocked face mirrored his own as they stared at each other in horror for a moment. After a moment, Leon tentatively asked, "…Were we robbed?"

"I don't know many robbers who leave valuables untouched and grab the vacuum instead, darling," Gwen rolled her eyes, but she smiled fondly up at him and Leon once more resisted the urge to kiss her. There were more important matters at hand.

And when something was more important than Gwen's lips, shit was sure to go down.

Leon might need to find a weapon.

Unfortunately, the closest thing he had was his dustbuster.

That wouldn't be overly intimidating.

A noise from behind him made Leon jerk his head. It was the off-key hum of a familiar tune, something upbeat and probably classic rock. Leon knew the voice. He knew it well.

He turned back to Gwen, who was staring behind him nervously, lip caught between her teeth. "Do you think…No, Merlin wouldn't…"

"Let's find out," Leon decided that he must be brave in the face of the world's destruction. Someone would have to protect Gwen from the hellfire.

Well, that was the theory, at least. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to move. The thought of Merlin ever making an effort at neatness was just too much of a horror to even begin to comprehend.

"I think you should hold my hand," Gwen suggested, reaching forward to lace her fingers with his. Her touch was warm and Leon smiled down at her a bit soppily. "Just in case it's really dangerous."

With interlocked hands, the two crept back into the main room, where Leon could still hear the faint strains of something by Nirvana. Merlin really needed to update his music taste to something more modern and less…Merlin-y.

"Merlin?" Gwen raised her voice when no response was merited. "Merlin, are you home?"

The humming came to an abrupt stop, and was replaced with a shout of "Yeah, just a second!"

Leon and Gwen waited in silence for half a moment before Merlin poked his head through the open doorway that led back into the hallway that housed their bedrooms and bathroom. He looked ordinary enough – perhaps a bit stressed, but that was the norm for him right now, what with him only weeks away from receiving his doctorate, and there was something pointedly fixed about his smile.

That was the worrying factor here.

"Merlin, we're a bit…concerned," Leon figured it was best to phrase this delicately. It was an upsetting topic, after all.

It was a bit ironic, really, Leon complaining day in and day out about Merlin's utter lack of responsibility around the house and then being utterly disturbed when it appeared as if he did something productive for once.

Gwen decided that bluntness was the best approach. "Did you clean the house?"

Leon was fully expecting the answer to be a loud, resounding no, followed by laughter, mockery, and Merlin's usual plethora of new and creative ways to say "you're both idiots" – but he didn't get that kind of comfort.

Instead, Merlin's eyes hit the floor and he his face turned beet red.

Leon may or may not have gone into cardiac arrest.

"You –" He managed to gasp out, and Merlin only blushed harder, scuffing his Converse-clad feet against the floor in a way that was sure to leave marks that Leon would surely be getting rid of later. Well, unless Merlin…No. It was unthinkable. "You – Seriously? _Why_?"

"Did you get a personality change that we weren't aware of?" Gwen used the hand that wasn't holding Leon's to touch Merlin's shoulder in a way that she probably thought was comforting, but Leon wasn't sure he wanted her so close to the catalyst of the world's inevitable explosion.

"No, no, I…" Merlin trailed off, and his gaze flickered from the floor to the wall to the front door behind Leon and Gwen's heads, eye contact decidedly not being made. Finally, he muttered, almost imperceptibly, going redder than ever, "…_myboyfriend'scomingover_."

"Your _who_?" Leon could nearly see Gwen's eyes shining in mirth and delight, and he gazed at her adoringly for a moment before realizing there were far more important matters at stake here.

Such as poking fun at Merlin, who currently resembled a tomato.

This was going to be a gold mine, Leon found himself grinning. Merlin hardly ever dated anyone – he had commitment issues of the grandest proportions, and if you measured his communication skills, he landed somewhere in the negative numbers – opportunities like this were once in a lifetime.

"My _boyfriend_," Merlin scowled at the floor. "Shut up, Guinevere, I can hear what you're thinking."

"Why did we not know about this alleged boyfriend?" Gwen asked at the same time Leon said "I wasn't aware you could read minds." And then, adding to his statement. "You're cleaning for him? You must be in love. Sickeningly so."

Merlin answered Gwen's question with relative ease while shooting Leon a pointed glare that clearly said 'I do not like your comment and will not merit it with any of my attention', as many of Merlin's looks often conveyed. "You didn't know about him because the surest course to scare him away would be to introduce to him to the two of you. Not to mention you would embarrass me. It's mainly the embarrassing thing, if I'm honest."

"Sickeningly so," Leon repeated, and from the way Merlin was pulling at his shirtsleeve cuffs, he was itching to flip Leon off. As he so often did. It had become a hobby of his by the time they were fifteen, and he had not since matured out of it.

"Look, he's quite insistent about meeting you guys, so…" Merlin finally met their eyes, his crystal ones simultaneously fierce and a tiny bit vulnerable. "Just don't fuck it up, okay? Or act like my parents."

"As we so often do," Gwen nodded affirmatively with a self-deprecating smile, and it should probably worry Leon that their thought patterns ran with the same words. But then again, when Merlin wasn't around, Leon constantly channeled his personality, mainly through eye rolls and snarky commentary, so stress about the situation would be unfounded.

On the subject of eye rolls, Merlin was in the midst of yet another one. "Well, it's good that you're self-aware."

"So…" Leon filled in after a moment's silence, deciding he should push Merlin just a little bit. It was what best mates were for, after all, and Merlin hadn't seriously dated since Freya, and they were approaching two years on that now. "Just checking here – you cleaned the entire house?"

"Yes, Leon, I know, I know, it's a repeat of Miracle on 34th Street, and we can start pretending it never happened now," Merlin leaned lackadaisically against the doorframe as he raised an eyebrow.

Even if Leon crashed his car tomorrow, hitting his head, gaining amnesia, and forgetting every last detail about his life, he would probably remember this exact moment. "You're so in love with him."

"Yeah, well, don't tell him that." Merlin said, obviously disgruntled, and Leon grinned in victory.

"Aww!" Gwen cooed, meriting a look in her direction that clearly said 'I am not cute, I am a fearsome beast of the night', but Leon had told Merlin years ago that he was too skinny and too cheerful to pull off invoking proper terror. Never stopped him from trying, though. "That's adorable. What's his name?"

"Arthur," Merlin said, truly smiling for the first time, and his voice went all soft and besotted. Leon grinned along with Merlin, excited that for once, Merlin was having luck in the love department, as he hardly ever did. Merlin and relationships had never been on friendly terms, and ever since Leon had fallen for Gwen (and Gwen had realized Leon had fallen for her and did something about it because she knew Leon would remain quiet until the end of time), he had hoped that Merlin would find similar happiness in his own life.

Now it seemed he did. Leon couldn't be more pleased with the current state of affairs.

Especially since it meant he wouldn't have to be cleaning up anyone's mess tonight. It was a freeing feeling, one that he experienced possibly once every year. This was truly a beautiful moment. He should probably revel in it while he could, as there would most likely not be a repeat performance.

Miracle on 34th Street indeed.

"When's he going to get here?" Gwen bounced excitedly up on the heels of her feet, giving Merlin a blinding smile that he blinked at a few times. Leon couldn't really blame him. Gwen managed to knock the lights out of nearly everyone. Or maybe that was just him.

There was a high probability that it was just him.

"Soon," Merlin told her, and turning to involve Leon in their conversation, "Remember what I said about not embarrassing me?"

"Of course," Leon nodded seriously. "Wouldn't dream of it."

"I would," Gwen said without a hint of shame. "You throw popcorn at me and Leon all the time when we're cuddling on the couch, it's high time that we have a turn. I'll go put some in the microwave. Wait, I should make cookies, too! Does Arthur like cookies? What am I saying, everyone likes cookies. How about chocolate chip?"

Leon would have melted a bit with Gwen's utter gorgeousness in that moment, but he could feel Merlin's exasperation and mild panic slowly permeate the room, so, in the spirit of sticking up for his best friend, he reacted as Merlin would. "Guinevere –" He began, which was what Merlin usually called Gwen when he was fed up with mollycoddling.

Apparently, Merlin's brain worked in a similar fashion, for in a honeysweet tone that Leon recognized as his own when he spoke to or about Gwen's loveliness, "Gwen, darling –"

They caught each other's eye and Leon tried very hard not to laugh. Merlin, it seemed, couldn't resist, and let out an undignified snort. Gwen gave them both looks of equal parts exasperation and what Leon hoped was love and said "I'm still making popcorn."

A loud rap at the door dovetailed her statement, and Merlin grinned triumphantly. "Ha! Looks like you won't have time. Unless you want to forgo the incessant questioning of my significant other, which would, of course, be hell for you. Mum."

Leon chuckled under his breath, Merlin following it up with "You, too, Dad. I'm getting the door now. Behave yourselves or I'll be forced to reduce myself to third grade pranks for the next two weeks, and no one wants me to break out my whoopee cushion collection. _No one_."

Bearing that threat in mind, Leon schooled his features into those of utmost respect as Merlin stalked toward the door. Gwen fell into place next to him as the two eagerly awaited the man who Leon hoped to God was the greatest and most wonderful human being to ever grace the planet with his existence, because Merlin sure as hell deserved it.

Not that he would be vocalizing that anytime soon. Merlin would never take it seriously.

Hopefully he was taking Arthur seriously. Although if the cleanliness of the house was anything to go by, Leon's certainty that Merlin was arse over tits for this bloke reached astronomical rates.

"I can't believe this is the first time I'm seeing where you live," an unfamiliar voice came in way of greeting, the door hardly being open before the speaker began. The voice was obviously male, and had a very posh, London accent. The man's face was blocked by the back of Merlin's own, but Leon was still the tallest person in the room, so craning his neck, he could see this alleged boyfriend.

He was shorter than both Leon and Merlin, though still tall, and well-muscled. Blond hair that looked like it got in his eyes a bit, a square jaw, long nose, and dressed in a footie t-shirt – The exact opposite of Merlin's type.

Leon looked down at Gwen with a raised eyebrow, and was met with an affirmative and also appreciative nod. Apparently, the bloke was fit.

They had these kinds of conversations quite often. It was a good thing Leon wasn't the jealous type.

Arthur continued speaking through their silent exchange. "I was beginning to think that you were, in point of fact, homeless, and only came over to mine to eat and bathe."

"It was entirely within the realm of possibility," Merlin shrugged playfully and, turning around, faced Leon and Gwen once more. "Guys, this is Arthur. Arthur this is –"

"Gwen and Leon," Arthur gave them a white smile. "I should know. He talks about the two of you often enough."

"Really?" Gwen gave Merlin a Look. "Because we haven't heard your name at all before today."

Arthur groaned and took a step toward Merlin, who was turning all the colors of the rainbow, although Leon could tell within an instant that it was teasing. "Really, Merlin? Not even once? Are you really that ashamed?"

"That I'm dating a rich, entitled, posh prat?" Merlin's smile when he met Arthur's eyes was so sweet that Leon felt like a barf bag would be required in the near future. He made a mental note to stop by the store again before the night was out. "Just a bit."

"I just can't believe we never figured out you had a boyfriend," Gwen shook her head with a disgusted sigh, nudging Leon in the ribs to make her point clearer. "I thought all those times you came home late you were just staying late at the library!"

"Well, there were the hickeys from two weeks ago," Leon pointed out as the memory flashed in front of him. Merlin had tried covering them in multi-colored scarves and turtlenecks, but Gwen and her supersonic eyes learned the truth within hours. Leon had assumed random, careless stranger-sex, as was Merlin's forte. Apparently not so.

"Hey, Leon, about the _not embarrassing me thing_," Merlin glared as Arthur guffawed in laughter, curling an arm around Merlin's waist and leaning into his shoulder. Leon's eyes flickered to Gwen's beam in their direction.

"Well, you were the one that never even told them of my existence, so the blame of this meeting falls to you and you alone," Arthur pointed out with an eye roll, although there was an underlying tone of fondness.

Leon decided liked the way he dealt with Merlin's endless bullshitting. It was refreshing to see someone who wasn't continually startled by it, as so many of their other friends still were, even after years of knowing Merlin and His Ways.

"I told them about you," Merlin said and Gwen and Leon gave him identical Looks. He reiterated, "I just didn't really…use your name."

"Oh?" Arthur challenged with a smirk and Leon added a second barf bag to his shopping list, along with earplugs for both himself and Gwen for when sex inevitably began happening in the bedroom across the hall. And Leon had the distinct feeling that the two of them would be much louder and less accommodating than he and Gwen were about such matters. "What name did you use?"

"Well, uh, see," Merlin scratched his neck and directed his gaze at the floor. Leon prepped himself for a wonderful story. "Arthur's in my grad school classes, you know? And…well…We only had our first class together at the start of the year and didn't…really…get along. At all."

"You never mentioned anything like that," Gwen said with a small, confused frown, which was then followed by a growing, still slightly confused, smile. "Only – No. No way. _This _is Pratface?"

Leon struggled to hold in the uproarious laughter that was threatening to explode. Merlin had spent at least two months at the start of September complaining about "this pretentious arsehole that thinks he knows everything about everything and that the rest of us are mere mortals to his prick self." He had referred to the bloke solely as "Pratface" claiming him worthy of no other name.

"You really have a love story for the history books," Leon laughed onto the top of Gwen's head as he threw in arm around her shoulder to keep himself upright. Merlin sighed, exasperated, turning to a grinning Arthur with "Well, I love you _now_."

"I think you've probably called me worse since then," Arthur told him soppily. Leon was beginning to wish Gwen had actually made that popcorn, because he was having the extreme urge to throw some at the sickeningly sweet duo.

And when Leon had the urge to make a mess of things, affairs must be in a dire state.

Watching Merlin interacting with Arthur right now, Leon realized he had never actually seen Merlin in love before.

It was a good look on him. He wondered how he had never noticed it until Arthur showed his face, because Merlin had been even more disgustingly cheerful for the past months. There was also the cleaning.

Leon still needed to bring up the cleaning. It was a Very Important Issue that Arthur needed to be made aware of as soon as possible.

Without waiting for a leeway into the conversation, Leon said "It should be made known that Merlin cleaned this entire house before you came here today. I originally wasn't aware and thought that it was the first wave of the apocalypse. Or perhaps the first circle of hell."

Arthur's mouth fell open in a perfect 'o' as his glance flickered back to Merlin, who was giving Leon the fiercest Look ever received in human history, one that clearly said 'Shut the fuck up I'm going to kill you in your sleep.'

It was one of Merlin's personal favorites.

"I don't know whether I should be impressed or terrified," Arthur said honestly with an incredulous laugh, pressing a light kiss onto the side of Merlin's cheek and Leon could feel Gwen practically melting next to him. Even he had to hide a smile at Merlin's lovesick expression.

"The answer is clearly both," Merlin nuzzled his nose against the side of Arthur's face with a soft chuckle, using an arm to fall around his shoulder.

Touching like that, they were a mirror image of Leon and Gwen, and Leon was quite pleased at the idea. It was high time Merlin wasn't the lonely bastard he liked to pretend to be.

But they would definitely need to be buying earplugs.


End file.
